On Fear – the Most Powerful Emotion
Improving my health was something I genuinely wanted, and needed, to do my whole life – but I couldn’t get myself to do it. Why? If it’s something I wanted and need to do, and I have the capability to achieve, why wouldn’t I do it? It wasn’t because of the commitment, I understood the commitment. It was because I was afraid.
What was I afraid of? I was afraid because I had failed so many times before at sustaining activity, failed at quitting smoking, failed at eating healthier, and failed at reducing my drinking. I was afraid I’d fail again, and I wasn’t in a place where I was ready to suffer another defeat. And so, I defeated myself. Like, honestly – what kind of sense does that make? That’s wildly counterintuitive, but there I was – unhealthy, afraid, and stuck.
Fear is useful in that it can help keep us safe, and can also motivate positive change, but if we don’t fully understand the role being scared makes in our decision making, we can end up doing things that are contrary to what we’re trying to accomplish.
So, how have I learned to better manage my fear? First by noticing I was afraid (thanks, mindfulness). I learned to pay attention to what I’m feeling and thinking about , and how it was influencing the decisions I was making. With a better understanding of what was happening in my brain, I was able to get up the courage to try again. I was able to recognize that fear was the thing holding me back, and that the fear was also pretty freaking irrational . And it’s working this time.
Fear also played a role in motivating me to try again. I was deeply unhealthy. I have two school-age children, and I was legitimately afraid of dying by 45 and leaving them behind. A sad, but powerful motivator for me.
Fear can be good, fear can be bad. Either way, fear is powerful. If we pay attention to what we’re feeling, we can notice and acknowledge we’re afraid, and use that information to either overcome our fear, or to let the fear drive our motivation.
You can harness fear to your advantage, but ya gotta know you’re scared first. Pay attention.
Be well!
